Private little war…

It was Saturday morning. I had just left my car and was walking to my P.E. class when my phone rang.

“Kaiser.” (If you’ve ever called me, you know that this is how I answer my phone.)

“Hello?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you hear me?”

“Yeah.” (Beginning to get annoyed, but I recognized the voice.)

“This is Mykalai Kontilai. Are you ready to be sued?”

I was quite calm in my response. In fact, it was all I could do to refrain from bursting into maniacal laughter.

“For what?” I asked.

“For the blog you posted online and for the comments you made on the Labor Law website. I’ve got print-outs. You are going down.”

At this, I did get a small smirk when I said, “Have you ever heard of the freedom of speech?”

“Have you ever heard of libel and slander?”

“Only if it’s not true!”

“You don’t have anything, Kaiser. When I’m done with you, you won’t be able to work.”

“You pirate illegal software, Mykalai!”

“I am going to hunt you down. I am going to take you for everything you are worth, not that it’s much because you are penniless.”

“You think you scare me?”

After this point, the conversation begins to get fuzzy in my head. I got off the phone and just started laughing. The part that really made me want to start laughing at Mykalai was when he said that I wasn’t worth anything and that I was penniless. Ha! How far from the truth that is! While I might not be rich at this present time, I am definitely comfortable and in a job that I enjoy and that I fit in with very well. My income does not exceed my expenses and I have just paid off my debt (aside from my car loan and my student loan).

How’s that for being penniless? Plus, I personally know a very respectable lawyer in town (more importantly, that I can afford) and I can have him on my case in two seconds, flat. I am definitely not a push-over.

Besides, what does Mykalai think he can do? First, he can’t sue me for slander. Slander is spoken, print is libel. He can’t prove that I went into the public and spoke mis-truths about him.

Second, what I printed (and what I have said to those that surround me in life) is the truth! Deny it all you want, Mykalai, but you and I both know that you pirate software! That copy of Final Cut Pro that you used to digitize all the Scholastic videos and burn them to DVD for all of the PBS stations and their school districts was not registered. I know that there is a post-it note in my employee file (if it still exists) that mentions me asking about it. Now, Susan wouldn’t have taken that down unless she thought that she could use it against me to fire me.

Which brings me to point numero tres: Employee Whistleblower Protection Policy. I am not going to quote the entire thing, nor does it apply 100% as I am no longer an employee, but I am protected from retaliation by my employer for exposing their illegal activities. This definitely protects me when I file reports with the authorities (which I did back in October) and I am sure that it carries through to when I report the same facts to the world via media, internet, press, etc. You can not silence me!

Finally, I got the good ol’ First Amendment. The freedom of speech. The freedom of the press. The freedom to tell the world what a dishonest person you are and what a corrupt company you run. You are a cheap bastard and you deserve to lose everything you have gotten from standing on the backs of others.

Mykalai, I challenge you to BRING IT ON! (Sorry for the cliche, folks.) Not only do you have to find me first (good luck getting an actual address to serve me), but you also have to prove that you even have a case. I don’t even NEED a lawyer (not that I won’t have one anyway). All I’d have to say is the above text to the judge and the case would be thrown out of court. I’d probably be awarded punitive damages as well.

So, go ahead. Try it. If you were serious about suing me, you wouldn’t have called me. You would have had your lawyer serve me.

By the way, call my cell phone again and threaten me and you will find yourself on the receiving end of a restraining order for harassing phone calls. God, I hope this goes to court. Then I can Xerox the public transcripts and mail them to every PBS station in America. Like Dirty Harry says, “Go ahead, make my day.” I’m waiting for you, Mykalai!